Tuesday, October 31, 2000

Mummy...Mommy?

In the spirit of Halloween, I let myself be wrapped with 2 rolls of toilet tissue by Jenny and Abby at today's October b-day celebration spooky theme party. The goal of the contest was to see how fast contestants could wrap their Mummy or in this case Mommy. We didn't really have anyone to race against but I think we would've won if not because of the time factor but by the mere girth of the person Jenny and Abby had to wrap. Look at me! I look like I literally ate a whole child!

One of the things that pregnant women most obsess about is their ever changing bodies. Just a few months ago I had a relatively normal "hourglass" kinda shape. I was no Jessica Rabbit but I had a nice girlie figure. Now, my body looks more and more like an avocado. The changes are really drastic at times. For example, my belly button has turned from an innie to an outie, I understand that my boobs could grow up to 4 times their usual size, and I am trying to combat stretch marks. It wasn't until the "Mummy" picture was taken that I realized how very funny I looked. I think baby Christian and I will look back at this picture and fondly remember our first Halloween. Either that or he will be completely embarrassed by his mom and choose to make me drop him off 2 blocks away from school because he will not want to be seen with his dorky mom. (Ungrateful kid!)

Regarding my shape, today's high is that I finally broke down and purchased maternity tights this weekend. I am wearing them today and let me tell you...they are wonderful. Now the waistband does not roll down my belly and I don't get the usual crotch hammock. Yea!!! The other plus to these tights is that they flatten out my new outie belly button so that people are not tempted to push in this area on my shirt as if trying to get rid of a defect in the material.

The plusses to being this size is that you are supposed to look this way. People continue to tell me that I am "glowing" (which at first sounds like I need to powder my nose, but then I just think it means that I look healthy and happy). People feed you lots of food, which I may regret after baby is born. And I am still convinced that my butt looks good in the maternity pants that I have in my wardrobe.

Now, for those of you that know people in this condition....please be nice to them. Never give in and tell them how very huge they look because...duh...they are pregnant! It's not like we can choose the area of our body where baby will be stored. I suppose if that were the case, most women would choose to store the baby in their breasts. So just some advise...don't tell them they are fat.

Friday, October 27, 2000

Happy Halloween!

Boo! Scary picture, huh? This is a pic of me and Ken at the office Halloween Party. Halloween is upon us and I found a fun site that will help you have a spooky holiday: http://www.holidays.net/halloween. This is one of my favorite holidays. Granted I don't go all out and get dressed up anymore but I love to see the little assortment of ghost, goblins and power rangers that come to my house. I always make my poor husband carve pumpkins with me and I LOVE watching any kind of horror movie. I start watching them about 2-3 weeks prior to Halloween.

I figured out the other day that baby will be 9 months old next Halloween, just old enough to dress up in some kind of a cute costume...like a pumpkin or Hershey's Kiss. I figure that I can dress him up in anything I want until he is about 3 or 4 and he starts to ask for his own costumes or he starts to get embarrassed by my suggestions. My friend's 3 year old has decided that he is going to be a "scary witch", but his blond hair and cherubic cheeks will probably make him look more squeezable than scary (have fun Mason).

My dad has a tradition at Halloween. He digs out one of our old black graduation robes and a black gorilla mask, dresses up before the trick or treaters come to the house, and stations himself next to the front door in a lawn chair. He looks like a stuffed man...very motionless...until a little trick or treater comes and then he pounces. Needless to say there are a lot of screaming, crying kids running down the driveway. Eventually, once the parents stop laughing, they come back for the big bags of candy that my mom puts together.

This weekend I am going to the opening of "Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2". I have been looking forward to this. I can't seem to get enough of witches and spooky stories. I am almost embarrassed to say that one of my favorite shows on TV is Charmed on the WB. I know, I know...how can I even admit to this? Well, my name is Millie and I'm a "Charmed-aholic"...there, I said it, now I can do my 12 step program and move on with my life. Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 26, 2000

Why God created Woman...

I just had to include this one in my blog. It was too funny to just forward as an email. Thanks Ann G. for passing it along. Have fun!

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.

2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."

1. And the No. 1 reason of all [Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.]

God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that.

Wednesday, October 25, 2000

Woo,hoo!

I just got the file that I have been waiting to get for the past 2 days...I can now finish my project!

Fun things to do at work...

Face it...there comes a time when we will all do it! No I'm not talking about that...dirty minds! I'm talking about Procrastination. You know, those stolen moments during the work day when you do nothing that will directly impact revenue goals but will do wonders to keep you sane and in touch with the outside world. The few minutes in between conference calls and meetings, while waiting for a colleague to send you an art file, while hoping for someone to make up their Blog#@$damn mind about the products to be hosted on the online store. Well these are the moments we should cherish for the are fleeting and sneaky and we may never get to do them again when we are caught by our boss and our web privileges are taken away. Jenny is convinced that this is all a part of working as a web designer. We have to be up on how people are using information on the web. Way to justify it Jenny...I am going to agree with her! So the next time you have a spare 5 minutes, check out the following for some chuckles...

Advertising Spoof: http://www.gaijin.com/jwheatley/TruthInAd.mov

Hot or Not?: http://www.amiHOTorNOT.com

Phone Funny: Make sure you listen to the menu options before proceeding

1.Dial 1-800-888-3999 (National Discount Brokers - toll-free call)
2. Listen to the options
3.
When you hear option #7, hit 7

Photo Sharing: http://playground.kodak.com/cgi-bin/filterFactory/asCgi.pl?app=home&laf=playground

Oh and let's not forget Blogging...Yeah for Blogger.com what would we do without the people at Pyra.

Have fun and remember, if you get caught it is not my fault. Thanks to Ann G. for sending some of these and to Joel (my boss) and Jenny for laughing along with me. Oh, Tony and Auggie are responsible for the Hot or Not site.

Tuesday, October 24, 2000

How "Carefree" can a person be?

I went to the local Wegmans the other day to shop for a few essentials. You know...water, gum,(whisper) feminine products, nail polish etc. Usually, I just try to get through the aisles as fast as I can but on this day I had a very difficult time finding one of the products on my list (if you are a boy...please do not continue reading). Anyway, the product that I really needed to get were just good ole' fashioned (whisper) pantyliners...you know, the kind that makes you feel "shower fresh" all day. I finally found the telltale ultra pink "Carefree Pantyliner" box at the bottom-most shelf in the dustiest corner of the aisle and I quickly put them in my basket because there was a cute college age boy shopping near me and I didn't want him to see me picking up the big pink box. I think the boy was shopping for condoms because they are in the same aisle and he looked a little nervous himself. Mission accomplished, I headed over towards the nearest check-out and perused the candy display for gum which I threw into my pile o' stuff. Finally, when I got home and proceeded to de-bag my goodies...look at what I found! It seems like the manufacturers of personal hygiene products (fresher breath, fresher other places) want to make sure that the consumer's experience is well...Carefree! I don't know what this coincidence is called but I think that Jenny calls it a world burp. This is the biggest burp I can find. So now, needless to say, I am a Carefree girl on both ends...eewww...I am grossing myself out. Sorry Boys!

Monday, October 23, 2000

Over the Weekend...

Friday "Fright" Night: Office Halloween Spooky Party! The night was a complete success thanks to the ladies on the E.A.T. team (Tina, Jenny, Abby, Sarah, Jo, Maria, Eileen). I was temporarily adopted as a member so I got to leave work early to set up for the festivities (wooo, hooo!) The activities included pumpkin painting, mask making, piñata bashing, and spooky box touching...yuck! In light of the upcoming Halloween Holiday, I found this cool little kids site that let's you create funky faces on pumpkins (See my pumpkin above). Food included all you can eat pizza, dunkin' donuts munchkins, soda and candy. The food was yummy but...when I got home (and in the spirit of Halloween) I played my own version of the Exorcist (pee soup incident)... Yuck! This is the risk of pregnancy...the food usually tastes good going down but sometimes it just doesn't want to stay there.

Saturday Night: In keeping with the spooky theme, my husband and I rented the teenage thriller "Final Destination". It was surprisingly thrilling...okay for those of you that expect some gratuitous nudity (i.e. teenage boobies) well I think this is a PG13 kinda gig, but the action was pretty gory and unexpected. I think it made for a great rental.

Sunday Night: The worst part about Sunday is that Monday is right around the corner. Feh! But we made the best of it. After our weekly visit to Wegman's to replenish our food stuffs, Ken and I decided to get our pumpkins. We didn't get a chance to carve them but we will probably do this today. The movie of the night was "Scream 3"...it was just like "Scream 1 and 2" but less interesting. I can only take so much of Neve Campbell and she looked quite frightening in this one. Her usual perkiness and goth-like vampiness was replaced with the "I haven't washed my hair or changed clothes since Scream 2" look. Very disappointing on the fashion front. At least it was not Jennifer Love-Hewitt. I really hate that girl!

Monday...: Work, Work, Call Hubby, Bathroom Break, Lunch, Recess, Work, Talk to Hubby again, Bathroom Break, Blog, Work, Email, drycleaners, home... Just another Manic Monday!

I hope tomorrow is more interesting...at least for blogging purposes.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

VOTE! Vote?

This is the thing...I know who I am going to vote for and I certainly have some impassioned statements as to why I am going to vote for them but do I really understand the U.S. political climate and all of the issues surrounding this next election? NO...like many other 20-30 somethings I find myself completely apathetic to the electoral process. Instead of watching the final Presidential Debate last night I "elected" to watch Dark Angel on the Fox channel. Most of my peers at work also tuned into the Fox channel or baseball on NBC. What does it say about me and my generation when we choose to spend time watching some sci-fi futuristic TV show or sporting event rather than paying attention to the state of our Nation? We need to care...in other words, I would rather see the standings on the Subway Series or escape to 2009 while watching Dark Angel than sit around and watch two middle-aged men fighting like 2 year olds.

It seems like campaigning has become (or maybe it has always been) a process of choosing the lesser of two evils. Whatever happened to electing the man or woman that would be right for the position and that would represent YOU in the Senate or Congress or the House of Reps? A person of high moral standards, with true-blue American values and a respect for ALL people of this nation? Not a philanderer or a drug-addict or a cheater or a racist...Not someone riding on a particular ethnic or religious ticket or someone who doesn't believe that we could be better but someone who cares about the ALL of us (young, old, black, white, male, female, rich, poor, citizen, immigrant) EVERYONE that represents our community!

To be honest, I am not aware of nor do I understand most of the nuances relating to taxation, abortion rights, healthcare, civil rights, and affirmative action and this is my cross to bear, but I do have some strong ideas as to what kind of community I would like to belong. I would just like to see a candidate that voiced these same opinions clearly and concisely without resorting to "three stooge" tactics.

So how am I going to vote...I'm going to ask my Dad because at least I can believe in him.

Tuesday, October 17, 2000

The Mystery of the Female Locker Room...
or "Can we all just not wear thongs?"

Fitness...Hah! The most exercise that I have gotten in the past 6 months has been walking from my car to the office and back. Now granted this is quite a long walk. The designated parking area is about a city block away from my office building. Okay, so it's not that long but it is the only exercise that I get so I have to make the most of it. Actually, I have not really been freaking out about this...that is until today when I walked into the Women's Locker Room at work and inadvertently walked in on a seen out of a Greco Roman Bath-house...except no one was wearing a toga. You know how there is good naked...like when you are lying post-coitally with your hubby AND bad naked...like when you are clipping your toe nails in the nude? Well, as I walked into the bathroom to pee after lunch (oh sorry too much information)...I mean, as I walked into the Ladies Lounge to powder my nose after lunch, I was confronted with the Bad Naked kind of naked. There were all sorts of scantily clad and no-so-clad bodies blow drying, tweezing, bending, pulling, doing cartwheels and applying personal products in the Locker Room (okay, I'm exaggerating...no one was tweezing anything). These bodies belonged to all of the ladies that have chosen to workout during lunch instead of eating. Of course, these are the same ladies you see at the candy machine around 3:00pm, but I digress. Although I am not currently an active member at my gym and have not used a locker room in a while, I have noticed this trend among fitness buffs and locker rooms. It seems like people who workout lose all notions of personal dignity when using the Locker Rooms at a gym. Of course the Rooms are not necessarily equipped with privacy partitions, instead they resemble stalls similar to the ones on dairy farms only these are tiled in that mint green color that some interior design genius thought would camouflage the fungus growing on the walls. But Ladies, puleeeeze, cover up a little. Mind you this was after lunch so the gag factor was prevalent, but as I turned the corner there were several ladies in their undergarments blow-drying and applying make-up. These specimens of the female body displayed what I call bra-humps (you know, we all get them...when the straps on your bra are too tight and cause bulging pockets of flesh under your shoulder blades and armpits.) If this same phenomenon occurs at the waistline of your girdle and at the edges of your panty, well you got "love" handles and cellulite. Further down the row of lockers, were other nearly dressed subjects in awkward positions crowding around a narrow bench that sits in the middle of the room. At first glance, I thought it was some odd satanic ritual involving FDS (Feminine Deoderant Spray) and a dress code of rubber shower flip-flops and nothing else. Needless to say, these women belonged to the 92% of us who are not Super-Model material but it seems like the more a woman has to show the more she will show and for longer periods of time. So how does this relate to my fitness program...well right now I have a bit of an advantage because of my pregnancy (in other words, I'm supposed to look this way), but after baby is born, not only am I going to be more self-conscious in the locker room but I will also try to be more considerate of the innocent who only need to use the toilet but instead are submitted to someone's big a** blocking the doorway.

Monday, October 16, 2000

Fascination with nose-picking...

It seems like Jenny and I have this recent fascination with nose-picking or at least with images that demonstrate this point (see my blog from 10/12). This is a funny graphic that she emailed this morning. It definitely illustrates the casual beauty of the act...casual, sneaky and oh sooo sinful. Hee,Hee...

Friday, October 13, 2000

Physician-phobia

I decided to make an appointment with my doctor this morning because I hadn't been feeling as well as I normally do (normal right now being the state of carrying a bowling ball in my abdomen). The past few months as a preggo have been relatively pain and nausea free so when I started to get back and belly pains I became a little concerned. Being in my 25th week, the first thing I thought of was going into premature labor. Were the pains that I was having mild contractions? If so, can the baby survive at this point? Oh, my gosh, I don't have any baby stuff yet...the baby shower isn't for another month! Reading those maternity books like "What to expect when you're expecting" and "Your pregnancy week by week" only serve to scare you a little more because they list so many frightening possibilities for what the symptoms might mean. Not being able to find the reassurance we needed and having no prior experience in all of this, my husband and I decided that making an appointment with my OB-GYN would be best.

It never fails...of course when I woke up this morning the pain had subsided quite a bit (it was still there but not as sharp) and I started to think that maybe going to the doctor was not necessary anymore. Why is it that when you feel sick (sick enough to complain and call a doctor) that the very next day all the symptoms you had been enduring for days seem to have just magically disappeared? Your trick knee stops hurting, the ear ache that kept you up all night is suddenly gone, your nose stops running after driving you crazy for weeks... It seems like this is one of life's many mysteries. I think this happens because of "physician-phobia". Physician-phobia is the syndrome that occurs after imagining all the horrible diseases that could be causing the terrible series of symptoms exacerbating bodily discomfort and excessive whining until you decide that you need to go to someone that can make you feel better. Once in the office, the body all of a sudden decides that not knowing the cause of your ailment is better than finding out the real reason and miraculously heals itself. By the time you are in the examination room, all of the previous symptoms which had kept you up all night and caused numerous nightmares of tumor growth and sudden death can no longer be recalled with the precision necessary to convince your physician that YOU REALLY WERE SICK. The examination concludes with the physician looking at you with a quizzical look on his/her face and then jotting down on your chart that psychiatric referral is recommended for the patient. Or perhaps they prescribe what seems to be the miracle drug of the millennium..."Next time you feel anything, just take a couple of Tylenol." This phobia seems to be a response to a humanly innate fear of doctors. Not only are people afraid that they might really be sick but they are also terrified of being outed as wussies.

Needless to say, I suffered a mild case of physician-phobia today. I kept thinking..."I know the pains were there just a few minutes ago...or were they on the other side?" Meanwhile, the nurse practitioner stared at me with a blank expression on her face that seemed to say "I'm not going to make any sudden moves...she may break at any moment..." So what was the diagnosis? Baby and me are fine. No infection, no obvious cause for any pain...oh and be sure to lift with your legs to avoid straining your back, ask for lighter paper bags at the grocery store, don't bend over too much and take two Tylenol the next time you get any symptoms."

Thursday, October 12, 2000

At the end of the day...everybody picks

As Jim attempted to explain his perspective on bettering employee relations by charting his ABC theory on the board, Casey's booming voice spoke over the rest of us as he geared up for an impassioned soliloquy addressing the importance of stroking the inflated egos of designers. As usual, Billie interjected with her self-righteous comments trying to dissuade personal bashing and promote an effort to spread joy and cheer indiscriminantly among the group. Eventually feeling dejected, she proceeded to eat a 3rd egg-salad sandwich half thinking that if she kept her mouth full she would refrain from saying anything that she would later regret. Between the booming and screeching, you could hear Mack's voice of reason attempting to be heard above the rest of the group. Mack's keen observation and quiet demeanor were the only instances of silence heard on the 6th floor. The silence was eventually broken as Noel, Dieter, Mandy and others tried to find some logical conclusion to this meeting of the minds. Jorge sat back observing the field and thinking..."Wow, the Super Bowl should be good this year."

Sorry that I haven't blogged in a while. Alot has happened in the past few days that has been keeping me up at night. Okay, not really but I have been thinking alot about myself and my station in life...DESIGN. Just to give you a little history, I graduated with a BA in Visual Arts (I eventually received an MFA in Graphic Design), then went to work as a Marketing Specialist for a fortune 500 company where I got laid-off and subsequently hired as an Account Executive by one of the communication vendors I had previously contracted. This was my real introduction to the life of the designer. It seemed kinda fun. You know like playing with an electronic coloring book all day long. What was also very appealing was the sense of self-importance I noticed was common to the designers I had hired and worked with as an AE. It seemed like an important job some would say..."almost as important as brain surgery." At least that is what we'd like to think. Yes, we are important cogs within the communication field. Creativity, ideas, intangible concepts are all made real by the designer. The chair we sit in, the keyboards we use, the rooms we live in, the materials we read have all been touched by a designer but it's not brain surgery!

As I looked around the room, trying to take in the spectacle before me, I thought, "What are we all whining about? Can't we just go back to our big over-priced electronic coloring books and draw?" Then I thought, "sure we can but we are designers because we are drawing outside of the lines..." Then as I was driving to work the next day, I saw an older man in his black Volvo 850 picking his nose and completely unaware that everyone could see him through the car's window. "Wow, yep we are all a little special but even the best of us pick our noses..."

Monday, October 09, 2000

Oh, Canada....eh...

This past weekend, my husband and I took a short trip over the border to visit our neighbors to the North. Our destination was a settlement called Niagara on the Lake, a bustling little town on the edge of the Niagara River, which is central to fanciful shopping, the famous Niagara wine country, the Butterfly Conservatory, the Shaw Festival and of course...Niagara Falls. We decided to take this little excursion as a celebration of our 2nd anniversary which was August 22nd. The belated celebration was due to the fact that we had to find a weekend that we could both take off and not have to worry about anything at home (i.e. work, studies, company, health. chores, etc...) This trip had been long overdue and we were both looking forward to spending some quality time together before the bustle of the holidays and the upcoming birth of our son. The day arrived with the crisp, smoky air and bright sunshine of a typical autumn day. We packed a change of clothes, big woolly sweaters, and our fall jackets. The forecast called for snow showers mixed with rain but nothing was going to ruin our weekend...okay, for a minute there we got a little bit crabby because of a miscommunication regarding my navigational skills. But once we crossed the Canadian border and started down the narrow two-lane road along the spectacular Niagara River, all worries were left behind.

This town has got to be one of the most beautiful vacation destinations in North America. The streets were alive with hundreds of visitors carrying quaint packages from the local shops. The weather was a little raw, so many of the town's patrons were bundled up in colorful scarfs and woolly hats. Local eateries were advertising hot coffee, cocoa, and apple cider. We arrived around mid-afternoon so we were anxious to duck into one of the little restaurants along main street to have a bite to eat. Once we checked into our hotel (Queen's Landing Inn) we headed out on foot towards town crunching the red delicate maple leaves that had fallen off the trees. Along the way, we saw several wedding parties braving the crisp fall air and posing for pictures.

What started off as a picturesque fall day soon got a little soggy but our mood was not changed. After a light lunch, we did a bit of window shopping and later drove to the Butterfly conservatory and Niagara Falls. The Conservatory was absolutely amazing. About 25 species of butterflies were currently flying within the botanical garden. The butterflies were so plentiful that they would fly around your head and some even landed on people's shoulders. It was like walking through flying flowers! I don't know what we would've done if one of these actually landed on either one of us. My instinct tells me that we would've swatted and killed any creature landing on our heads, promptly gotten escorted out of the garden, and banned from ever returning (kinda like Adam and Eve). Afterwards, we went to see the Falls which, as always, were....WOW! It is quite a rush to see the power of the cascades and it is always a treat to visit one of the theme restaurants that overlook the water (Planet Hollywood and Hardrock Cafe). At night the falls are lit in green and red lights which offset the "Time Square" neon decor of the rest of the town. Once we got back... well that is none of your business....but our room had a fireplace, jacuzzi, champagne (which I could not partake in) and chocolates. Very posh...

The next morning greeted us with wonderful weather. The sun was out in full glory and despite the chilly air, we set out to find a place for breakfast. The streets were a little quiet and it seemed like no one was serving breakfast until we found this place called the Upper Canada Cafe which featured Spanish music by the "Gypsy Kings" and big plates of eggs, pancakes, sausage and bacon. Okay, so as I looked over the menu I found myself repeating a very ethnocentric remark I had overheard in a conversation the previous day between two chubby little women from Ohio. "Bacon? Is this regular bacon or Canadian Bacon?" I asked myself to which my husband replied "...Maybe it is regular bacon because if it were Canadian bacon, wouldn't they just call it ham up here, eh?" You can take the girl out of the country but she still manages to say something silly. After breakfast, we did a little more window shopping. The streets had suddenly filled up with late morning risers trying to get in the last bit of shopping before ending the weekend. The only thing we bought were these curious little chocolate eggs called Kinder eggs that have little toy surprises inside them. I had promised Jenny that I would smuggle her a few. She is a collector and they do not sell these particular candy toys in the States because the kids over here swallow them and choke on them. This is probably the same reason why Cracker Jack prizes have gotten boring.

Our day closed with a performance of "The Doctor's Dilemma" showing at the Shaw Festival Theater. The play was quite interesting. Some of the dialogue was lost on me because some guy behind us kept guffawing along with his cackling wife. The play was about a group of doctors that had to decide whether a well-intentioned, morally good man of science or an amoral, unscrupulous artist deserved to be cured of tuberculosis. It was a comedy. The story was amusing and the acting (although overdone in some instances) was very good.

Finally, the time came when we had to head back across the 'Bridge to the USA' We were quiet on the way home perhaps mourning the fact that this could be the last trip we take alone together. Once we got to Buffalo, it seemed like the weather started to match our moods...cold, icy, snow! It's always difficult to come back from vacation. The colors aren't as bright, the mood isn't as bubbly and there is always a pile of laundry you have to deal with when you get home. We wondered if perhaps it would've been better not to ever have seen the beautiful little town by the lake but decided that even if we just got to see it once, that it was definitely worth while.

Friday, October 06, 2000

Vanity, Sloth, Gluttony!

What do you get when you throw together co-workers, farewell parties, and pizza? At least 3 of the seven deadly sins. As a graphic designer, I spend most of my time sitting in front of my computer. Needless to say, the maximum amount of exertion required to maintain this job is to sit on your ass and tickle the keyboard once in a while. I also move my arm and wrist every so often when the mouse needs a little maneuvering. I am waiting for the day when I can just blankly stare at the screen and telepathically command it to do as I want...I am also waiting for the day when I can have this same effect on men. But to the point, as I sit here for hours on end, I am picturing my butt gradually expanding from the rear of a youthful and athletic female to that of an 80 year old man. I swear that where there was once a little "booty" there is now just a little "nuttin". So what have I done about this? You see, as a pregnant lady, I carry the burden of being encouraged by everyone around me to eat. I justify this as an act of selflessness by saying that the baby needs that extra slice of pizza or another piece of cake. To top this off, the opportunities to partake in extra binge-eating are easily found in a large business group like the one I work for. Today, for example, there was a celebratory luncheon where they served pizza, buffalo-chix wings, and eclairs. Later, we were all invited to bid farewell to a fellow co-worker over sheet cake and soda. Mind you, for breakfast I had a chocolate covered donut and grapes. In between all the meals I sat on my ever expanding rear. I try to find ways of getting some exercise...EXERCISE, HAH! The best I can do is make sure that I waddle up the stairs, do butt crunches while sitting and run out of the building come quittin' time. Oh, by the way, tonight I am going out to a burger joint with my hubby. Do fries count as vegetables?

Thursday, October 05, 2000

I am in love with GW! xoxo

No not George W. Bush but George Wildes Rempe...My friends have a little boy who has blessed this wee part of the country for 5 months now. GW, as I like to call him, reminds me of the smiling little "infink" from the Popeye cartoons mostly because he is as sweet as sugar and a genuine cutey-pie. I met my friend, Telle, last night for coffee at a trendy little spot in town. I was glad to see them both there because the weather had not been cooperating and I was afraid that little GW would not be up to it. You know, noisy place, too many people, adult atmosphere... Well, let me tell you, the place was full of trendy female patrons all sporting their blackest of black apparel. Not only had GW made friends by the time I got there, but he had everyone around us cooing and praising his little pensive eyes and baby cheeks. The kid is a natural charmer. He was able to merrily sit in his Mom's lap while she sipped her double decafe latte. He laughed and smiled at all of my jokes and did not complain when we kept him out past his feeding time. The only clue we had about losing track of time was that he started sleepily closing his eyes and nodding off towards the end of our visit. The real moment of truth for me was when Telle snuggled him up in the sarong-like sash she uses to carry him around. He looked like a little pea in a pod peeking out from under a red fleece hat while tenaciously sucking on his binky. No muss, no fuss. The visit really made me look forward to having my own little Swee'Pea. Thanks Telle and GW! See you soon...

Vanity, ain't it a bitch!

Yesterday, like every other day, I had difficulty picking out something to wear. My usual morning routine (aside from getting up too late) consists of a quick shower, followed by the application of a handful of moisturizers each specifically formulated for a different part of the body (i.e. body, face, hands, pregnant belly, etc...) Once well lubed, I had to find something to slide into, preferably an outfit that is complementary in color and style. Okay, did I tell you that I have the worst sense of fashion...so most of my pre-prego clothes were in fact purchased by my mother-in-law who should have been a buyer for Macy's or something. Anyway, as I rut through my closet looking for the most flattering outfit and leaving my room looking like the most recent hurricane disaster area, I decided on black fitted thanksgiving pants (you know the ones with the expandable belly panel) and a black 3/4 sleeve top. "Black, I think, pretty chic and slimming..." Then I remember, "Oh, I'm 6 months pregnant, dressing in black just to make me look slimmer is like painting a pumpkin in vertical stripes for the same effect." Again, I think, I may not be looking tremendously slim but perhaps adding some accessories like a funky scarf and cool ankle boots will make me look hip versus hippie (as in a lot of booty, not from the 60's). This was a good idea...

As I confidently get out of my car (note: no matter what time I get to my assigned parking lot, I am always about a half a mile away from my office building), I quickly pick up the pace so that I am not late for the weekly Wednesday morning meeting. Well, about half way through my walk I start feeling my pulse beating rapidly in my neck. It seems like my 'cool' scarf is tied a little too tightly causing mild strangulation but persevere I must....Another 50 yards or so and my toes start to throb in my funky black ankle boots. Why is it that any fashionable shoe apparel has a heel that is about 2 inches too high and makes you walk on your toes? By the time I got to my cubicle, my face was starting to turn purple and my feet felt like I had been walking on hot coals. But still, despite the beads of perspiration around my temple, I still looked cool. "No pain, no gain" I say as I scoot up to the 3rd floor for my meeting.

I had to cut lunch short because I had made an appointment to get my eyebrows and lip waxed. This barbaric ritual of applying hot smelly wax to the most tender parts of a woman's body and then ripping it off with a clean swift jerk, is performed at least once a month to perpetuate the image of an immaculately hairless nymph like the women in old Victorian paintings or at least like the Victoria's Secret Models. Don't get me wrong. I am not against the removal of hair, in fact I am a proponent of it. Once, when visiting Euro-Disney, my husband and I had the terrible pleasure of watching the Main Street Parade and waving to the "Beauty and the Beast" float and discovering that the Beast was not the hairy monster standing next to Beauty but instead the hairy growth under her arm...YUCK! Okay, so this is not very feminist of me. I can appreciate people that decide not to take part in the stripping of body hair by means of torture and sharp objects. More power to them, but for me I'd rather not grow a mustache and unibrow and be mistaken for my brother. As I left the Salon with a red but hairless lip and brow, I thought to myself "No pain, no gain!" Then I thought, "Vanity, ain't it a bitch!" Only women would put themselves through this kind of torture just to be considered...well...women...you know the kind that are made of "sugar and spice and everything nice..." or at least the kind that look like Victoria's Secret Models.

Tuesday, October 03, 2000

Everything I learned, I learned in Kindergarten...

Remember that poem that describes all of life's most valuable lessons as being learned while your pants were full of sand in the sandbox. You know the one that talks about sharing, compassion, and not making fun of the fat kid that eats his boogers in the back of the classroom...Well anyway, during lunch we had a very endearing conversation about the things we used to believe in when we were little. These were not your usual kiddy fairy tales like Santa, the Easter Bunny and the reason why Uncle Bob likes to wear dresses but instead we talked about why people are afraid of bees, what makes stop lights work, and how to make yourself want to pee. It seems like most of us, with the exception of Abby, had parents who liked to toy with our fragile toddler emotions by making up stories about the ways of the world. Here are a few of the things we discovered today:

  1. If you play with your belly button you will let air in and it will make you sick. -- Jenny's Mom
  2. Corned Beef is actually Giraffe's meat. -- Ken's Dad
  3. Babies are made when two people rub toes. -- Jenny's Cousin
  4. Babies are born through the scar on your mom's knee.-- Millie's Mom
  5. My dad used to be blond, but he was in a terrible fire which left only a patch of white on his chest. --Millie's Dad
  6. Deer are actually Cannalannalopes which are known to eat children.--Tina's Dad
  7. There are little men in the stop lights and in radios. Their job is to make these things work.-- Ken's Dad
  8. Pushing on your belly button makes you want to pee. -- Natalie's Family
  9. If a Dragonfly lands on your face it will try to sew your lips together. -- Jenny's Grandmother
  10. The boogey man kinda looks like your little brother. -- Millie's Mom

Monday, October 02, 2000

Blog Envy...

I was reading some of my friend's blogs and noticed how nice their use of seasonal palettes and graphics were. Needless to say I got a bit of blog envy when I saw what Jenny and Tina had done. Great job girlies! I hope you don't mind that I copied a bit. Maybe if I have time I can actually do some graphics for my blog.

Nonnie Visits Rochester...

My husband and I have been living in Rochester for nearly 4 years. We are about 7.5 hrs away from family, so it has not been very conducive to visiting. We have been lucky to have parents that have trekked the few hundred miles to visit during the summer and holidays, but we had never gotten a visit from any of the extended family (i.e. grandparents, aunts, uncles etc...). In come Nonnie Donovan and Sis'... Despite the neuropathy in her feet, Nonnie Donovan made the brave journey, passing western Massachusetts, Albany and finally Syracuse, to visit her only grandson and pregnant granddaughter in law. Of course, she came bearing tons of tasty treats...thanks for the Italian cookies, Nonnie!

In the 10 years that I have known my husband, , I had never spent more than an hour or so with Non' and Sis'. We always had very little time to visit between moving to and from college, holiday vacations, and long trips from western New York. Non' never visited before because she had always complained about the weather and the long trip. You see, the impression that people have of western New York is that of a year-round snowy-tundra. Nevertheless, she braved the trip and upon her arrival, exclaimed that "if [she] had known that the trip was so easy, [she] would've visited a long time ago." Now that I had her on my turf, I knew that I was going to have a fun-filled weekend full of stories and important life lessons. Afterall, as she has been announcing since I first met her in 1990, "[she] may have very little time on this earth" and I was not about to waste any of it during this visit. Well, my expectations were met and exceeded. The conversations that I had with Non' were full of advice proven to help you lead a happy and long life. Here is a top ten list of some of the things I learned:

  1. Do the laundry everyday, even if it means you have to chase your daughter into the bathroom and steal her clean clothes before she can wear them to add to a load that is too small.
  2. Always stop at a church to light candles and thank God, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary for health, happiness...BUT NEVER WEALTH.
  3. Be good to your in-laws and do anything for family. To quote her "If Kenny needed a $100 pair of shoes, I would do anything to get them for him..."
  4. Do the laundry everyday, even if you have to wake up your sleeping husband and make him roll over in bed so that you can strip off the bedsheets and wash them.
  5. To get guys, roll down your stockings before going to the park with your sisters...but don't let your uncles see you doing this.
  6. To prevent additional aging do not give in to your doctor's advice and get a hearing aid, instead make sure that you have plenty of eyeglasses for every occasion.
  7. For Diabetics: Spaghetti sauce has too much sugar in it but cheesecake is okay.
  8. Young professional ladies should not dress too "sexy" at work because they are a distraction but if they want to get a guy (refer to #5).
  9. The experience of birth and having children is the most beautiful thing, but "I was knocked out, I ripped and later my uterus fell out and I had to get a histerectomy...but it is a blessed and beautiful thing."
  10. Do the laundry everyday, even if it means that you never throw out any old clothes because you never know when you might need to wash them.

Thanks to Non' for sharing all of her wisdom with me and for making me laugh all weekend. A special thanks to Sis' for bringing her...Ken and I have a special appreciation for all that she has done and the extraordinary amount of energy that it takes to keep up with the exuberant Nonnie Donovan! Phew! I don't think that Rochester will ever forget her.